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More Quickys :-) Mostly Blonde jokes

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More Quickys :-) Mostly Blonde jokes

Postby admin_pornrev » Fri Apr 24, 2009 5:47 pm

Q. What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs ???......
A. A clit around the ear and a flap across the face

what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

A New Zealander is walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

Q. What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
A. It's arse!

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog

Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
A. 3 Stone !

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel

The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?

Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
- Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
- Matt

"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice already.

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

Whats pink, wrinkled and hangs out yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blonde girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar

Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.

Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.

Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once

O.What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A.The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q.What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.

Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She managed to trip over my cordless phone.

On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.

When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.

She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"

She got stabbed in a Shoot out.

She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.

When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"

If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.

It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.

They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.

When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"

She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.

She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

She tried to drown a fish.'

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".

Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
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Re: More Quickys :-) Mostly Blonde jokes

Postby admin_pornrev » Sat Jul 25, 2009 4:57 am

More Blonde Jokes

What do you call an eternity? Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went home.

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?Oh,look, Daddy....doughnut seeds!

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.

Why can't blondes dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said,"Oh, look at the dead bird." The blonde looked skyward and said, "Where? Where?"

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team? They drowned during spring training.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.

Why are blonde's boobs always square? Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box. :lol:

Three blonds on death row

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
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