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Re: Mark's "Prostitute" Jokes

PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 9:33 pm
by admin_pornrev
Mark's "Prostitute" Jokes
by Mark ยป Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:20 pm

A trucky had been on the road for weeks in the outback. He pulled into a high class brothel in Alice Springs.
"Here"s $500", he said to the Madam of the house, "Get me your fatest ugliest woman, and a burnt steak"
"But Sir", said the Madam, "for $500 I can get you two of the best women in the house and a three course meal"
"Nar I'm not horny", He said, "I'm homesick".

An Irish woman, finally decided she had to tell her Mother what her new job was.
So the next time she visited, she said "Mum, i have some news that I must tell you, but you might find it disturbing,
so please take a seat and brace yourself". So her Mum sat down and prepared herself. "Mum", said the daughter, I've become a prostitute".
Well her Mum just fainted on the spot. Her daughter started trying to fan her with cool air, and slapping her face.
Her Mum came too. gasping for air and looking very unsettled. "Are you ok Mum ?" Said the daughter.
"Can you just tell me that again ?" Said her Mum. "OK, Mum, I've become a prostitute"
"Ohhh, thank God", said her Mum, "for a moment their i thought you said you have become a protestant

Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi's and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks her why she is drinking one Barcardi and coke and throwing the other one down her panties. She replies, "I just won the lottery and that's the only cunt getting a drink out of me tonight!"

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

After hearing details of the offence committed, the Judge asked the prostitute.... "So when did you actually realise that you were raped?"
The prostitute, wiping the away tears replied: "When the cheque bounced" your honour!

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."


A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."


Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.

"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.

"How can you tell?" says the other.

"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker.

"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"


Q: What did the leper say the the prostitute?

A: Keep the tip.


Q: What did the prostitute say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz" before?

A: "No, but I've been swung by the tits."


Q.What do you get when you cross a fortune teller with a prostitute?
A.Your whoroscope!

Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hands under her skirt?
A: Self-employed.

A cheap tourist from the U.S.A drives south of the border to a town known for prostitution and picks up a hooker.
After paying her, he drives off, shouting back, "El dollar, counterfeito!"
The prostitute smiles and shouts back, "El syphilis, originale!"

A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick."
The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"

There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.
The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.
The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fucked."

When I was in London a few months ago, I was approached by a prostitute as I left a club on one of the back streets of Soho. Mainly interested in checking the rate of exchange, I assure you, I asked: "How much?"
"It'll cost ya twenty quid" replied the tart.
"American Express?" I inquired.
She gave me an appraising look and said: "You can go as fast as you like"

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town. Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever. Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients. As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!". All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"


Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "

"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."..

The policeman fainted.