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Really Quick Quickys from SalmonCramon

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Really Quick Quickys from SalmonCramon

Postby admin_pornrev » Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:43 pm

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. My sense of decency

True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.... Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes

My wife said there is nothing more depressing than being two stone overweight. She should try having a 3 inch cock.

Have you ever wondered if the money in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

Nymphomaniacs; they're fucking everywhere.

You know when you've gone for a girl who's a bit too young when you've got to make the train noise to get your Cock in her mouth

I’m not saying my girlfriend is thick, but yesterday when we had a gas leak she put a bucket under it

When someone close to u dies... move seats

Say what you like about the deaf...

My doctor told me I was morbidly obese. As if I don't have enough on my plate.

I said to my girlfriend "you shouldn't eat before you go swimming" She said "why?" I Said "you look fat!

If you're 9 months premature then you're just a stain

Fake tan looks perfectly normal if your mum screwed a wotsit!

I saw a girl wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that my girlfriend can be herself

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.

Bring on the suuuunshine... whoo hoo now m girlfriend can dress like a tart and no one will mind.

Twitter: n: A device for playful banter without showing you my 9,000 boring pictures

This is the internet, were men are men, women are men, and little girls are CIA agents.

What's a redneck girl say after sex? Move over daddy your scussion my ciggaretts!!

I was furious when I discovered my wife had set up a website to help the victims of domestic violence. She got more than 200hits in the first hour

I took an IQ test and the results were negative

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Honk if you want to see my finger.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Good judgment comes from bad experience. And a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

For Sale : Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I agree that article writing and submissions by hand is as pleasurable as ripping off your leg hairs with duct tape!

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

Eagles may soar- but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Double your disk space. Delete Windows.

Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted

Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it is?

Death is hereditary

Corduroy pillows. They're making headlines

Consciousness. That annoying time between naps.

Chocolate. The OTHER major food group.

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

Boycott shampoo. Demand the REAL poo

Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Assassins do it from behind.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Always try to be modest and be proud about it.

Always remember: you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Sterilised infertile women are idiots. And I married their Queen.

All generalizations are false. Including this one

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

A day without sunshine is like ..., Well, night.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

42 point 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

My Girlfriend asked me to make love to her like they do in the movies. So I bent her over the kitchen table and fucked her ass hard and fast. Turns out we both watch different movies

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL

"Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you NEUTERED?!

Love is like water. We can fall in it. We can drown in it. And sometimes it's better with a little scotch.

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

What do cows do for entertainment? They rent moovies !

Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold please!

We do precision guesswork.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis

Why does a squirrle swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry

What do you call an afghan virgin? Never bin laid on

I can't think of anything funny to say. This must be how it feels to be a woman.

My uncle was what you call "an unorthadox Jew". He was a Nazi.

Women, you cant live with them. You cant get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a bunch of celery or something

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

All humans are lunatics, but those who can analyse their delusions are called philosophers.

You don't appreciate some stuff until grow up like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman, Stuff you pay good $$ for in later life.

Believe: there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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